just keeping it real....

I’ve been thinking…. yeah I have found some time to do some thinking…anyway…. I am living with my life on hold. I have found that anytime I think about cleaning my house, or buying some new shoes, or what to fix for dinner…. I think about how my life will be someday. You know… some day when I’m not in school anymore. Someday when I have a job. Someday when I get a paycheck. I have already spent that thing a hundred times over. There is no way that the paycheck I’ll receive will ever buy all the things that I have already spent it on. I really want to be content. Really I do. And I think at times I really am. But then I realize that I am spending way too much time thinking about someday. Now here’s the reality of it… when we first got married we had no money, as I’m sure 90% of you out there. My mom and dad bought us lots of stuff. When my mom went to the store she always picked up extras for us. My grandma shared a lot of potatoes with us. We ate a ton of Hamburger Helper, hot dogs, and Mac-n-Cheese. I’m sure you have all had a time in your life just like that. And here is the really odd part…. when I think back to that time… well it was a good time. It was uncomplicated (well at least financially). It was uncomplicated because there was nothing to be complicated Well just maybe there will be a day I’ll look back on this time and my life and think… man that was a really fun time…. HHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! It is really hard to believe that right now.
Will there ever be enough time pass that I will forget how dang hard it is to be a mother and wife and be in school? I HIGHLY doubt it. I bet I say “December 09” about 10 times a day. Every time something comes up that needs to be bought, or fixed, or…. You get the idea… I say “December 09” like that will some how make time pass faster. Well it won’t pass any faster. And I don’t want it to! I don’t want my kids to grow up and leave me! I like my family. I can’t imagine life without toilets to clean, a constant pile of laundry, or meals to fix. What will I do with myself?
So now you see the dilemma… please remind me that these are the good times. Life doesn’t get any better that it is this moment. I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now.